What made me think of that was a friend of mine here, Jason, who was actually in my band at Bent County (he's the short guy with the long hair who is seen in the front of the rock band in the pictures I sent out years ago [added here dear reader - he's actually behind Bryan in this picture - taken in 2011 or so]).
Well, a month or so ago, he arrived here, and I had been talking to him about applying for clemency. It turned out he qualified, so I gave him the address to the office and recommended he write, indicating to him that when I had done so last year, it took less than a week for my case manager to call me and get the ball rolling. So the same thing happened to him, he just got his application and that got me bummed out thinkng about my retarded letter, which prompted me to read it again, probably for the fiftieth time.
While reading it, I remembered that the whole reason I included all that crazy shit in there was because of all the other stuff that was filed *with* the letter. None of my blog readers have seen any of that stuff -- the pre-sentence investigation, the narrative of the crime, etc. It's actually much *worse* than my letter.
Obviously I'm vaccilating between optimism and pessimism here, I dunno... Today the letter didn't seem so bad. When you read it without emotion it's not so bad, but when you read it with emotion it's fucking terrible. It's written in a sort of rambling way which lends the reader to daydreaming. I noticed that when I did that the letter was a thousand times worse, but when I read it with awareness it comes across as though I were thoughtfully and honestly trying to give a complete account. The paragraphs are too long and the long slow trail of mental decline is ommitted because it's so incremental and subtle that it would have to be a book to do it justice and make it interesting to read -- but a governor couldn't be expected to read that.
Well anyway, I feel much better about the letter now.
Another thing I feel better about is that I've added a significant portion to this guitar thing I'd been making no progress on -- just yesterday I came up with part after part after part. I can't tell if it's because the talent comes in bursts or if it's because my brain's functioning better or what.
Also, I found this weird way to use major and minor 7 chords to descend chromatically in the bass line without it sounding like musical garbage... it's pretty cool, like a combination of Claude Debussy and the 2nd-to last track on Downward Spiral.
My cellmate's leaving soon, and a different cellmate from several months back will be moving back in, a schizophrenic guy from Loveland who earned the name Scary Larry in the newspaper. It's a pretty cruel and hilarious nickname, I think. He regularly hears voices but doesn't consider himself a true schizophrenic, because they go away when he asks them to.
Not much else to write about now. So, see you later.
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