I am working on what I believe is the most revealing thing I have ever written about myself. It is a slow process, and has taken over twice as long as I expected it would. So far, it is still incomplete, much to my dissatisfaction. However, I do not wish to remain silent for too long, or to give the impression that I have lost interest in telling my story. Quite the contrary; I think about it all the time.
For this reason, I have selected a handful of letters for you to read. These were sent to me by my lawyer during the course of my reconsideration process, and they provide some third-party perspective on my situation.
Over the past few months, I have been talking to a prison psychologist on a weekly or near weekly basis. I have also explored treatment options for my depression, which seems to have been the root of most of my problems. I have settled on Prozac for now. It has increased my capabilities in a general sense, although my interest in creativity has noticeably subsided. On the whole, however, my ideas seem to be better when I think creatively, despite the lessened interest. The stabbing adrenaline feelings I used to get in my heart are gone.
Since late 2009, I have been playing in two prison bands; a rock band in which I sing and play guitar, and an R&B band in which I play bass. Each band practices twice a week and we perform for inmates on holidays. Very Johnny Cash. These guys are quite talented -- all the good drummers were in prison, apparently. At least, in Colorado they are. I have also taken up Buddhism. It would seem that I have been "Buddhistically-inclined" for several years now without quite realizing it. I wish I would have considered it a long time ago. It doesn't really matter, I suppose.
I have a day-job in prison. I help teach basic computer skills to inmates now, a process which is as often rewarding as it is strange. Sometimes it is a bit like teaching chimpanzees to write Shakespeare. However, a profound change occurs in an inmate's temperament once he "gets it." A glimmer of hope washes over some of these people when they realize they might have a shot at finding a rewarding source of income -- especially since the classes are accredited now. A few of them have crawled through the GED program and gotten pretty thoroughly trained on all of the office tools -- except Outlook, of course. They have really tried. I hope society does not let them down. I surprise myself sometimes; I get very interested in my students' progress.
I have met another inmate who has a blog on blogspot. His name is Jason Pecci and he's at: jasonpecci.blogspot.com. I knew I couldn't have been the only one. funnily enough, he's the only other atheist in the facility (of around 1200 inmates). He is a very nice and down-to-earth person. What a waste of human potential. I don't understand this country. I wonder sometimes if any of my childhood friends from Germany will read my blog. What did they imagine would become of me when I moved to America? Andre Rose, Javier Francisco, Ramazan Polat, Daniel Schneider, Marc Pieper, Johannes... I don't remember his last name. "Ob wir uns in 20 Jahren wiedersehen koennen... wuerden wir einander erkennen?" Dear Germany: America destroyed me. I have thought of you often.
Readers will also be excited to know that I have an accumulation of material that might be available soon; soon being a relative term, I suppose. A month? Three months? I hope you like it.
Thanks, as always, for reading.
Take care,
Bryan Day
P.S. I have asked that these four letters be spread out over the course of several weeks to give me time to work on this difficult entry. I hope this doesn't appear "gimmicky."
P.P. S. Happy Thanksgiving :p
